Dear Life,
These past twelve months have been filled with many ups and downs. And after much reflection and self-improvement, I can no longer do the things that do not serve me anymore.
So, I resign from:
Letting My Anxiety Control Me
I’ve been so scared of doing so many things for so long, including:
Of making or answering phone calls, of making small talk, going to interviews, sharing certain writing pieces on my Facebook, of confronting people.
And probably a hundred other things.
I don’t know when exactly I became an anxious person or how long I’ve been one, since I’ve only known about it for the last few years, but it has caused me lots of problems, both personally and professionally.
And I’m not allowing that to happen anymore. I want to conquer it. Doing that will propel me forward in my life.
People Pleasing
It’s a problem that was passed down to me from my mother and her family.
It makes establishing my wants and needs without feeling guilty or like a burden impossible at times. Which is not healthy. And it won’t lead to me being happy.
But I am slowly learning how to say no to certain things. It feels good. And I want to continue the momentum.
Not Having Healthy Boundaries
I’ve had difficulty saying no to people and things for a long time, which contributes to my tendency to people-please.
But I’m slowly improving, especially with those I don’t know or who I’m not overly attached to. It’s a bit trickier with most of those with whom I’m close, outside of a couple of people.
However, I don’t want to swing the opposite direction—no need to be an asshole all the time. So, I’m going to learn the balance between the two.
Not Knowing How to Communicate
Not only my needs and wants, but also just communicating with people without coming off as rude or unconfident.
A lot of it is my tone, and I’m working on it, as I have issues with hearing how I sound when I say something. And that has gotten me into trouble numerous times.
But this is if I speak up at all.
Because I have a terrible habit of not saying anything or waiting until the last minute to say, for fear of being judged or rejected, which upsets whoever I ask, repeating the cycle.
However, I am also learning how to communicate with others about appointments, dates, store needs, and other matters.
I also tend to go non-verbal if I’m overstimulated. I’ll learn how to communicate when I’m feeling this way, so I don’t accidentally offend someone or make someone feel bad.
Not Balancing Social and Alone Time
I went from someone who spent the majority of her time by herself most of her life to someone who spends a lot of her time around others.
It’s been an adjustment.
I enjoy socializing. I love having a second family. It aids my mental health, and I’ve been learning social dynamics and cues.
But on the flip side, too much of it can wear me out.
I enjoy my alone time. It makes me feel cozy inside. It’s when I’m able to be the most productive and creative. And it helps quiet the static in my brain.
Not Reading at Night
I love reading, but I fell out of the habit over the past year. But no more. So I moved my Kindle Paperwhite and its charging station onto my windowsill in my room and downloaded a new ebook.
One universal truth in writing is that to be a good writer, you have to be an avid reader. And the best part is that it doesn’t matter what genre you choose!
It makes me excited!
Not Having a Consistent Morning Routine
Living with four other people, each doing their own thing, can make establishing a morning routine challenging. Not to mention, it feels nearly impossible to get out of bed lately, even with the alarm I have set on my phone.
But I make my bed, take a shower, get ready, brew my coffee, and sit down at the computer each morning. So, that’s a good start.
Not Consistently Exercising
It’s been a major struggle for me all this year. I’ll consistently work out for a few weeks or a few months, then something happens and I stop, and the cycle repeats.
But no more.
I want to get strong and toned and healthy. I want to feel good in my body and my mind.
***
So, as you can see, I’m going to honor myself and search for healthier and more beneficial choices and paths for myself.
So, Life, watch out because here I come.
Best wishes,
Amethyst.
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