AuDHD
It’s a combination for people with both ADHD and autism. People like me. And it makes life interesting.
Growing Up
I didn’t start talking until after age two, which is atypical.
I also couldn’t see anything because I saw everything, I would have daily meltdowns about God knows what, and I had to go to therapy to be able to handle swings and things like that.
Not to mention, I had to be strapped into chairs in preschool so I wouldn’t run around, and rode the little bus through most of elementary school.
No one liked me in public school because of my neurodivergence, leading me to be homeschooled.
ADHD
I’ve known about it since I was in elementary school. And was on medication for it until last June.
Which both helped and hid certain traits and issues.
Traits/Symptoms
Things I experience:
Short attention span.
Needing sensory input.
Jumping from one activity to another.
Spacing out.
Difficulty falling asleep.
Needing to move around.
Constant noise in my head.
Anxiety.
And there is probably more to add to this list.
Autism
Now, I don’t have an official diagnosis, although it was a potential one I had as a kid.
But after watching videos of autistic content creators, taking tests, and doing research, it makes sense. Like puzzle pieces finding their places.
Traits/Symptoms
Things I experience:
Missing social cues.
Taking things literally.
Needing thorough explanations.
Volume control issues.
Sensory issues (hypersensitivity).
Difficulty maintaining eye contact.
Mimicking the behavior/speech of others (not on purpose).
Issues with specific transitions (like getting out of bed).
Struggling with sudden changes.
Easily gets frustrated and overwhelmed.
Stimming.
Needing a consistent routine.
I’m sure there are others, but these are the ones I can think of.
Telling People
No one I told was surprised at all. My best friend was like, “Girl, I know,” when we hung out during my last Washington trip.
I was even called out on it by someone I recently went on a date with, which I found hilarious.
Realizing I Have Both as an Adult
Honestly, it’s been a relief learning that I have both. Looking back, I realize that so much about my life makes much more sense.
I could never really relate to other people with ADHD, even with knowing it’s individualistic.
I also have trouble relating to those who are purely autistic, especially when I’ve grown up around autistic boys, who are so different from girls.
And I know a few of my symptoms are contradictory and others overlap, but that’s someone with AuDHD, and I best relate to those with both.
But I wish I had known it as a kid. I think I would’ve been equipped with the proper toolkit to manage my life.
Unmasking (Autism)
It’s the strangest experience, unknowingly peeling back your unconscious coping mechanisms that have been there since childhood.
One thing I have noticed through this process is that I feel like some skills and abilities have regressed, so things I was able to do before I can’t do as easily or at all.
There are days when all I want to do is lie in bed and watch comfort shows or movies.
I also feel more like a teenager in many ways, which frustrates people sometimes. I suppose it’s my way of reclaiming my teen years.
What Does This Mean For Me?
I’m still figuring it out.
I’ve gone most of my life thinking I only had ADHD, so I have the toolkit for that. But not so much for dealing with the autism, so that’s been interesting.
I am grateful I haven’t experienced what’s known as autism burnout to the degree so many others like me have.
And I think a large part of that is because of my ADHD and my learning how to deal with that from my mom, as she also has ADHD.
Sharing with Others
It’s tough trying to explain this to people without it sounding like an excuse for not putting 100% into a lot of things.
They know what you have but don’t always understand the ramifications.
It’s Okay to Struggle Sometimes
If you’re like me, you know you can’t be at full power every day. It’s just not possible.
I struggle more than I probably let on in my writing. I have days where writing feels like a steep mountain. And it’s why my posts have been more sporadic these last few months.
But it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give up on those days. Even if all you can do is get dressed and eat, do it. On those days, self-care is most important.
We also need to find others like us who understand. So, please, reach out to me if you’re struggling too.
Do you have comments or ideas for future posts or want to connect?
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